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28JAN05 <Archives>
I have the finalized lineup for the college showcase show. Below is a listing of the five (that's right, five) comedians who will be performing in the showcase, their home town and website link:

John Vorhees
Sterling, IL
www.loserwhiteguy.com

Travis Lipski
Peoria, IL
http://members.aol.com/jacknackel/travis/travislipski.html

Greg Larson
Bloomington, IL
www.madmancomedy.com

Jason Stewart
Coralville, IA

Travis Campbell
Davenport, IA

The show will be at Sauk Valley Community College / 173 IL Rt.2 / Dixon, IL. 61021 / (815) 288-5511 on Friday March 4th at 7pm. Admission will be a donation of either money or canned food (your choice). All proceeds will go to a local food pantry, so be as generous as you can be. You will get to see five different comics perform, each with his own style, so it is unlikely you would think that we all suck! Seriously, this will be a great show and your attendance will benefit the community!

After the show there will be an area set up for a "meet and greet". My CD will be released by then so I will have it, and maybe even some posters, available for purchase. Even if you don't want a CD stop by and say HI to us afterward. I love meeting people and talking to the audience. Without you guys I have no job!!!

We are all excited about the show and are ready to ROCK Dixon! Hope to see you there.

~John
27JAN05 <Archives>
Last night at Penguin's Comedy Club in Bettendorf, IA was fun. "Hi Nan!" I met some really great people & some I've seen before. I was handed a very interesting newsletter put out by a comic named Robin Berger. The newsletter is titled: Comedy Open Mikes In Iowa Clubs. This is a very well written publication and quite insightful. If you are just starting off in the business, or thinking about it, you might consider signing up for the mailing list. Even if you are not in Iowa. I did! Here is a link to his Yahoo Group:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/IowaOpenMikeComedy

Good job to Robin last night, by the way. I enjoyed the "Comedy Commando" bit. Next time I see you, Robin, remind me to tell you my Marines joke. Hey, I was Army!

There were a lot of good bits & funny people last night. If you have never gone and seen an open mic night, you should. It is a fun time and you can really see some raw and polished talent. Get really daring and go onstage! You never know, you might like it. I have to say that the kid who it was his first time and he just started pulling all of the crap he "lifted" off the club out of his pants cracked me up. If you weren't there then you missed out!

I think I got someone in the audience in trouble. If you don't know this about me... I tend to pick on people. After opening for him the first time David Graham asked me if I grew up watching a lot of Don Rickels. I just happen to be blessed with a quick tounge. Anyway, I kept picking on this guy and I think "management" thought he was heckeling me and came up to give him a talking to. I spoke with the guy after the show and he thought I was mad at him and somehow sent somebody up to talk to him. Hmmm, telepathy at work! Well, we got that all straitened out and had a few laughs. Hey, I had to be nice to him some... he was there with all the hot chicks! I still don't understand how that blonde handles 24 guys at a time. (inside joke, sorry)

Overall I want to shout out a big "Hello" to everyone from last night. I'm sure we will meet again. If any of you have a web site let me know and I will add a link on loserwhiteguy.com.

~John
25JAN05 <Archives>
I fixed a few "bugs" to the website today, not that anyone will likely notice. I also added a different newsletter signup box. It is now located on every page of the website. You can now enter your name as well as e-mail address. I am switching to a new system for doing the e-mail newsletter. For a while it will look pretty much the same, but that is going to change with time as well. This new system gives me a lot more control over my mailing list and newsletter content. There is only one catch.... If you are already on the current newsletter e-mail list you must now re-enter your e-mail address in the new signup box to be put on the new list. Sorry, but I don't really even know who or what e-mail addresses are on the current list. The only thing I had access to was the number of e-mails on the list. This is one of the reasons I am changing systems. Right now I have basically had two mailing lists and I am sure some people are on both of them. With the new system you enter your name and e-mal address and an e-mail will be automatically sent to you for confirmation. Simply click the link on the e-mail and you are set! Your e-mail is added to a database and I use that for my ONE e-mail newsletter list. I'm sure you can't possibly be more excited than you are reading this right now.

Not much else has been going on this week. I have been working on getting the confirmations set up for the show at Sauk Valley Community College on Friday March 4th. The show is going to rock, so if you can make it you had better come or else you are going to really miss out! Tomarrow night is an open mic at Penguin's Comedy Club in Bettendorf, IA. I am planning on attending (not sure if I will get up on stage). This weekend I will be taking my older boy to the Mallards vs Ice Hogs hockey game in the Quad Cities. I guess it is supposed to be a bonding experience.

Speaking of "experience"... my wife learned today why NOT to fall asleep with a two year old playing in the room. She woke up to hear the little guy say, "I'm coloring!" Ok, she didn't really even wake up then. But when she did wake up she found him "coloring" on her shoe with a marker! Then she realized he was using her shoe as a canvas because he had run out of space on his body!!! She took pictures and showed them to me when I got home. He was every color of the rainbow. His face actually was painted like a clown (I thought this was pretty good for a two year old). His belly was covered in brown ink. He started asking her for a wipe to clean up. She recommended a bath instead. Below are some of the pictures. They are too funny... yes, they are. I didn't have to clean him up!



He is just like his father, and if I ever catch that son of a bitch....

~John
20JAN05 <Archives>
Great news, the showcase show at Sauk Valley Community College is officially a GO! What showcase show you ask? The one I've been working on getting set up since last October. We finally got the scheduling down and set a date for the theatre.

Sauk Valley Community College is located at 173 IL Rt.2 Dixon, IL. 61021. Their phone number is (815) 288-5511. The show will be on Friday March 4th at 7pm. This will be a showcase show featuring 4-5 up and coming area comedians (including your's truly). I already have confirmations on Greg Larson (who will also be the emcee of the event) and Travis Lipski. There are links to both of their web sites on my links page. I don't want to give out any more names until they are confirmed. This show is going to be awesome! The details are not all complete as of yet, but it looks like there will be some sort of donation admitance to the show. Not only will it be a funny night, somebody is going to benifit from the proceeds! I am really looking forward to this. I will keep you posted as updates happen and things get confirmed.

I've had some really great responses from people about the pedophilia joke. People have been offering up their own punchlines. Some have been really good, some really bad and others have been really sick (translation... the best!). My favorite so far, and I paraphrase here, is "Pampers & bubble bath". Let me know which one you think is best, or send me your best if you think it is better. Hmmmmm, do I see a contest here? Keep checking back, it just may happen.

~John
16JAN05 <Archives>
All I can say about the show is this: If you get a chance to see Jay, Alonzo & Gary... DO IT!!!

The show was awesome! Jay opened it up with his one liners. Some of his jokes are just so smart. I love a person with a twisted mind. Alonzo was next with his sharp wit and outlooks. He was right, nothing can top his "kicking a midget on fire" bit! Lots of hard laughs. Finally it was Gary's turn. He went off on the casino's buffet and Jello. I love it when he gets going on a food topic! A lot more audience interaction and he did a great job of handling it when his mic went out on him. I have to give the overall best of show to Gary, even though Jay was my main drive for going to the show.

After the show we took a moment and met Jay London. I couldn't resist buying his CD and let me tell you it is 50 minutes of chuckles that made the ride home fly by. Both Tricia and I had our pictures taken with him. You can see them on the pictures page or by clicking the thumbnails below. Please note that the pictures will open in a new browser window.


To sum things up we both had a blast! It was a great night out. They were sold out shows and they had to double up couples at tables. I do need to send a hello out to the two great ladies that shared the table with us (and put up with me). They are from Tampico, another small town out by where I live. What are the odds!?!

~John
15JAN05 <Archives>
Tonight I am doing something I have not done in a few years. Tonight I am paying to see a comedy show. I usually spend enough time at comedy shows not to feel the urge to go on my "day off", but I will for something special. Last time I did this was to go see Bob Nelson (He is one of my personal favorites & an icon in my eyes).

Tonight we are going to go see Gary Gulman, Jay London, and Alonzo Bodden from Last Comic Standing. All three are very funny. I must admit I have a soft spot for Jay. I love his style. My wife says Gary looks like he could be an underwear model. That's her big thing... who used to be an underwear model & who could be one. I never realized how many actors on TV shows used to be underwear models! I think she has a thing for underwear models. Why the hell did she marry me? Anyway, we will be at Penguin's Comedy Club in the Quad Cities for the 7:30 show. If you see us there, say "Hi".

If you have noticed a problem with the links page constantly reloading on you... use a different browser! No, I noticed that on the MAC Safari & PC FireFox browsers that this glitch is happening. After reviewing the code I now have the problem fixed. Sorry about that. If you ever notice any problems with the site, or have any suggestions, please send an email to johncvorhees@vorheesenterprises.com. Thanks!

~John
07JAN05 <Archives>
My friend, John Whicker, told me that I should put up a news & updates page. So here it is!

I will be using this page of the site to let everyone know what is going on, keep you posted on important happenings and maybe even say something funny. Basically you will never know what I might post. I will try to keep this updated on a regular basis. This section in no way will replace the loserwhiteguy.com newsletter. Make sure you sign up for it to get updates & news sent strait to your E-mail in box! You can sign up on the main page. The sign up box is on the left side.

I hope everyone enjoys this new section of the site. If anyone has any questions or comments please send me an E-mail. Don't forget to sign the guestbook while you are here.

I suppose I should write something of the "news & updates" nature. The new live CD is almost ready. I should have it for release around the first week in Feb. You can pre-order your copy now and receive some cool extras as well. First of all; if you order now you will save a couple of bucks and get the disc for only $10! Plus with every pre-order I will be sending out a loserwhiteguy.com sticker (new style, not available on the loserwhiteguy.com store) and an autographed photo. All the details are available on the CD page of the website. Check it out HERE.

My younger son has been sick. My wife told me that "He smells sick." I started thinking about that and how my mother could smell everything. She could smell rain, smell death and more. (so my brain automatically goes into joke writing mode and I come up with this...) I swear once she told me, "That man smells like a pedophile." So I'm thinking what does a pedophile smell like? Lollypops & spermicide? Now, I told my new "funny" to a certain someone (who wishes to remain nameless) and that person said that they didn't like the punch line. The person offered up: what does a pedophile smell like? twelve year old pussy? Let me know which one you think is funniest.

~John
DEC 2004 <Archives>




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